Words of Wisdom
I am a big fan of Marianne Williamson and I have read ragged her phenomenal book The Gift of Change: Spiritual Guidance for Living Your Best Life
Given the heated discussion going on in the StepChicks forum over an article written by Mary Kelly-Williams in the March issue of StepMom Magazine, I thought it was only too appropriate to share with every stepmom on the planet.
“As I remember my spiritual heritage and stand within its power, I think, act, and then experience all of life differently. I’m about to judge someone and then I remember their eternal innocence. I’m about to share an unkind story I heard about someone, and then I remember, “what I do to others I do to myself.” I am about to reach for a win at another person’s expense, and I remember that there is no such thing. I am complaining about a stituation, and I stop to ask myself, “What am I NOT contributing here?” This is the birth of my better self – a gradual and continuous process, as in any given moment I either listen to the ego or I listen to love.”
How many unkind stories do you share? Do I share?
How many times have you done something unkind towards the mother of your stepchildren? Do you realize that as you are unkind to her you are unkind to yourself?
How many times have you made yourself seen in a better light than your husband’s ex-wife? How many times have you gone for the win? Who really wins? She doesn’t. And you certainly don’t either. I’ve learned this lesson in a big way as I suffered greatly from the “must be seen as better” syndrome.
How lost are you in your ego? The ego that drives you to compete with your husband’s ex-wife and mother of your step children?
How useful is this competition? How useful is being unkind? How useful is the constant complaining about the same situation over and over again? How useful is it to “go for the win” in a situation where the person who really loses ends up being you, the stepmom?
Today, I chose to listen to love.
What about you?
Related Posts
Tags
Share This
Hi Peggy.
Ouch is all I can say when I read Marianne Williamson excerpt.
Of course I have been guilty of all the things you say here and of course I too never felt I won by doing any of it.
The worst one was to get sympathy with amplifying my side of the story and thus subtly putting others in a bad light. The sympathy I then received strangely never felt good. When I then tried to defend the person I was actually gossiping about I was seen as a hero, which title of course I totally did not deserve.
Oh, it has been such a relief to finally understand and practice what Marianne and you are saying here. Staying in-integrity so my ego has no chance to longer make such a mess of things has made life so much richer for everybody.
Addressing this is courageous and BIG and so necessary if we want to clean up the mess step families are creating.
It sure cleaned up a lot for me. xxox Wilma
.-= Wilma Ham´s last blog ..Wilma on Our out-of-integrity world =-.
Your post made me realize that I have really been mean to some of the people around me. I tend to be easy in saying unkind and discouraging words to my children and to others. Thanks for this reminder.
Hi Wilma,
When I wrote Williamson’s excerpt in my journal, I was going through my own pains as a stepmom, dealing with Richard’s Ex-Wife and their youngest son, Junior, who lives with me 24/7. I was eyeball deep in the land of anger and resentment. Not a fun place to be.
Like you, it’s such a relief to finally get what Williamson is saying!
xo
Peggy
Don’t they call it an alchemy when something physically changes in your body, in your spirit, in your soul when you do something so different, so right?That is the profound feeling I had when I stopped criticizing the boys’ mother and started becoming present to her pain. Ironically, this made me present to my own pain. The spiritual component of being a step mom is so important and we need guides like Marianne and Miguel to help us get there, to be better people, more compassionate, softer, kinder, more open. Thank you so much for this post. It is a wonderful way to start the day.
Coming to the realization that no matter what competition or games the children’s BM may wish to set up, the best thing to do is to focus on doing what will long-term be best for the kids, was a hard one to make. It’s easy to want to jump in and join a game even if it’s poisonous. I focus each day on NOT making my life about a negative person or situation. The kids need someone looking out for them.
Hi Lisa,
You are so very welcome! We when are present to our own pain, we can be present to the pain of others – and cultivate compassion. Thanks for stopping by and commenting today!
Peggy
You’re so welcome! It was a good reminder for me as well!
This reminds me of a saying I read one time that greatly affected my life. I don’t remember who it was by or verbatim but it was something like this,
“We love in others what we love in ourselves. We hate in others what we can’t see in ourselves.”
I always try to remember that when I am upset with someone. Most likely what I am not liking is a behavior/attitude within myself that I need to examine and change of which I’m unaware of.
This is a great post. I know so many stepmoms and others will benefit. Beautiful words by Marianne.
.-= Angelia Sims´s last blog ..Midweek Morsels =-.
I think the thing about all spiritual work done in meditation, prayer, silence or journaling helps us remember this truth. That’s why it’s so important to do. And of course our work is never done as long as we’re on earth. I also believe there are more people than ever looking at life this way because we’ve backed ourselves in a corner on earth and there’s no other way of getting out. Thanks for the great reminded that doesn’t get repeated enough.
Peggy,
I love Marianne Williamson! I’m subscribed to Oprah so I get A Course In Miracle emails from Marianne every few days. =) I must say, I feel so guilty when I read her messages because it forces me to face my inner demons (as this blog just did). I think my problems are denial and making one too many excuses.
.-= Julie´s last blog ..Practice Shoot At Como =-.