When Richard and I said “I Do” we both said “I will” to a lot. Every remarried couple knows what I’m talking about. From combining two households to ex-spouses, ex-lives, in-laws, out-laws, excess baggage, kids, finances, and yes, even pets.
Prior to our walk down the aisle (or my walk…he waited for me at the altar!) we talked about everything…and I mean everything (except, maybe, brain surgery and accounting…topics neither one of us are particulary fond of.)
The one thing that I had to understand and accept was that he considered his ex-wife’s family his family. And I had to be ok with family get togethers that involved his ex-wife. Okie dokie.
The one thing he had to understand about me was that I know how to make money and spend money. I’m used to going on vacation twice a year. He was used to going on vacation once every five years. He really didn’t know what to do with himself the year we went to Florida for our honeymoon, Italy for our second honeymoon and South Carolina for our first anniversary. Three years later, I’m still not sure if he’s recovered…
But that’s not the point. The point is, when we said “I Do” his ex-wife’s family became my family…and they opened their arms and their hearts to me.
This past Thursday, I spent my fourth Thanksgiving at my mother-in-law’s house. She gave me a really mushy birthday card, which I absolutely will save forever because it simply starts “Dear Daughter-in-Law…” I’m her daughter’s ex-husband’s wife. You do the math.
From left to right: my stepmom, my dad, my mom (who began as my stepmom when I was nine), me, Richard, Richard’s ex-mil, Richard’s ex-step fil, Richard’s ex- stepmil, Richard’s ex-fil.
I am glad this has worked out so well! Awesome!
Knowing what you let yourself in for is half the battle and it is great that you and Richard can communicate so well.
If you cannot talk then you are in danger of making everything mean the worst and you are not going to make it.
The relation amongst the people on the photo seems extremely complicated, I had to read it several times. Wow you have to keep your head clear to cope with all that.
Well done Peggy, you are now reaping the benefits and how cool is that, not to mention giving a great example to your girls.
Wilma xox
Phew! I can’t keep up! What an amazing mix. Everyone in that photo is smiling radiantly so that’s all that’s matters! Formula-schmormula…whatever works for everyone, who cares what each role is “supposed” to do/feel/think, just because they are an ex, a DIL, or a step-DIL! What an cool card to get from your husband’s ex-wife’s mother (Did I get it right?) Oh, and YOU look stunning in that picture too! – G
Hi Wilma – the joke in our family is that we need an org chart to keep it all straight!
Hi Jaimie – thanks so much!
Hi Georgina – Yup! You got it right! And thank you – I felt stunning that day
Wow, that is amazing that everyone can come together and enjoy each other’s company. Well done!! In second marriages there are always adjustments to be made, what I think people forget about is that even first marriages have this, its just not usually discussed or figured out in the beginning. The key to success in my book is communication and those who have been around the block before know how important this is. Love the card she got you!! Hilarious!
Peggy – your lovely family never ceases to amaze me. Kudos to all of you!
My darling husband likes to joke that ascertaining my relationship with my parents was part of my ‘job interview’. I don’t think he was quite ready to be told that my father was a saint (and still is!) who had two mothers-in-law, who both lived with him!
But I think he got the message that we blend families pretty well… not that I can imagine either of my husband’s ex mothers-in-law embracing me as your’s has 
I believe you really described what families are or should I say should be today. It is not only the people who are related to you but also people who really care about you or someone in your family. This caring does not need to end when a relationship stops that brought you together. The family just continues to grow as new people are added. You clearly have the definition of a modern family.
Incredible. What a gift to be able to form and maintain such relationships!
Hi Lauren,
Thanks for stopping by today. It’s not always easy to maintain this relationship, but it is so very worth it! It’s complicated, messy, fun, and above all else, loving.
Hi Helen,
I am forever grateful that my husband’s “ex” family kept him when his ex-wife divorced him. It certainly has redefined family for me (and I come from a blended box of fruits, nuts and flakes!)
honey you are a better woman than i… if only we could all get along so well… i hope that your lovingness and acceptance comes back to you 10 fold…
This blog was priceless!
Thanks Holly!
What Richard and I give out does come back in ways we sometimes don’t even expect.
xo
Peggy