Weekend Assignment for Stepmoms
And you didn’t think there’d be homework with this!
One of the pages I follow on Facebook is “Positively Positive,” and today’s quote is a great weekend assignment for all you savvy stepmoms out there!
Spare yourself from seeking love, approval, or appreciation – from anyone. And watch what happens in reality…just for fun. ~ Byron Katie
Oh my – I think I just heard a collective gasp. I KNOW you struggle with seeking love, approval, and appreciation from your stepkids and your husband. But what if instead of seeking it without, why don’t you seek it within?
For the bold and daring (and we’re all bold and daring, right!) I dare you to give yourself the love you seek. I dare you to give yourself the approval you seek. And I double dawg dare you to give yourself the appreciation you seek. Become your own best friend. Become the change you want to see under your roof. Treat yourself with the kindness and gratitude you wish others to treat you with. Learn how to care for yourself rather than expect others to just *know* how you wish to be treated.
Become who you’ve always been meant to be.
Warm Blessings,
Peggy
Tune into The Stepmom’s Toolbox Radio Show on Monday, October 25, 2010 at 8PM EST. Teresa Thompson and I will be dishing with Wilma Ham on “Are You Loveable?” I do suggest reading “(Step)Martyrs Are Not Loveable” by yours truly and “Winning Love,” by Wallace D. Wattles. See YOU on the Radio!
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Do you feel buried underneath all your “have to’s?” Do you feel bogged down, overwhelmed, or chronically tired? Do you feel your life is stuck in the same monotonous groove? Do you feel as if something’s missing?
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I really love this but struggle with the ‘how’. As in, how do I do this? How do I give myself the gift of gratitude, kindness, love? I honestly do not know how.
While I have disengaged from my steps, I long for the anxious and guilty feelings I have to cease to exist for me. I am so nervous, anxious and stressed the entire week they are with us. I truly don’t know what to do. I’ve taken up running again and have a second job so I don’t have to be home, but then I live with the resentment that I can’t be in my own home comfortably.
Any/all suggestions are welcome. Thank you in advance.
Dear Ohio,
You’ve come such a long way in a short time! I have to ask the question – why are you allowing them to help you suffer?
There’s this saying that “we get what we tolerate.” And we teach others how to treat us based on what we tolerate.
I’m going to give you the same homework Jack Canfield gave to everyone who was on his “Ask Jack” call at the beginning of October. For FIVE minutes every day, take a gratitude break. Spend five minutes writing down what you are thankful for or go on a five minute love and gratitude rampage. Start small. The more you do it, I can bet you’ll create more of it.
And you might want to think about the 90 Day Boot Camp I have coming up or the next session of Six Weeks to a New You. We’ve got 6 stepmoms in class right now and one younger woman working on breaking some patterns of behavior so she doesn’t get stuck when she’s 40 something!
Love,
Peggy
This is wonderful, Peggy, as usual
To Ohio, I also wonder how supportive her husband is of her. Does he understand that she needs to be comfortable in her own home and that she has needs as well? Or does he constantly take the kids’ “side”? It sounds like she may need to set some boundaries, whether it’s making her own private space in her home, or something more along the line of creating house rules with the husband and kids that fall more in alignment with what she’s comfortable with. I don’t know, just some ideas that have helped me in the past
Jenna´s last [type] ..Summersalt Music Festival- Part Two- October 9th- 2010
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Jenna´s last [type] ..How to make your marriage work- Principle 3- Turn towards each other
Dear Jenna,
Congratulations on your wedding!
Ohio has come a long, long, way and boundary setting is great advice. But learning how to take care of herself the way she wants others to treat her is the big first step. We teach others how to treat us!
xo
Peggy
Thanks so much to both of you! Yes, I have told my husband countless times that I am not comfortable with our current situation. (his children SD 15 and SS 13 do NOT talk to me – at all!) His daughter has lied, stolen items and even run away, yet acts like she has done nothing wrong and plays the innocent game. I am not comfortable having her alone in my house, yet my husband (who is aware of this) does nothing. His response is basically, I can’t make them talk to you and I am not going to tell my children they are not welcome here. He then starts to tell me all the things that my daughters do that bother him (mind you they are both in College and rarely home).
I now say nothing. I do not talk to his kids (and truth be told, really don’t want a relationship with them), I spend the weeks they are with us visiting friends, working, and exercising. Generally, I don’t return home until I know they are in bed. Exhausting? Frustrating? Resentful? YES! but what do I do when my voiced concerns go unnoticed?
Thanks, Peggy! And I agree, we definitely teach others how to treat us. Number one rule!
Ohio, I’m sorry to hear your husband isn’t supportive of you. I run a supportive group for stepmoms and the number one thing we can all agree on is if your husband isn’t supportive, it makes for a very, very difficult time. I hope in time he’ll agree to couples counseling or make more of an effort to hear your voice. Hang in there!!
Jenna´s last [type] ..How to make your marriage work: Principle 3 Turn towards each other