Women Who Think Too Much – A Book Review
Reviewed By Jessica Withers
When Dan first saw me reading Women Who Think Too Much, he was horrified. “You do not need more to think about!” I calmly reassured him that the book was supposed to help not make things worse. And it has! I am a chronic overthinker, and being a stepmom has given me plenty more to overthink. Where? Why? How? When? Who? What does that mean? What if? Who said? Why? Why? Why? A veritable “5 Ws” for stepmoms!
Susan Nolen-Hoeksma’s Women Who Think Too Much—How To Break Free of Overthinking and Reclaim Your Life is like a magic wand; her suggestions are often that easy. Divided into three sections, the book covers the what’s, the why’s, the how’s, and the when’s. Part I introduces overthinking and explains how it has become a cultural phenomenon, affecting women in particular. In Part II, Nolen-Hoeksma gives quick fixes to stop overthinking in the moment; my two favorites are saying “stop” to yourself when you recognize you are overthinking and scheduling a thinking time. I often find that by the time I get to my thinking hour, the issue doesn’t seem so important or so emotionally laden. Part II also gives active and proactive steps to combat overthinking in the future. However, if you are anything like me, you will find yourself morbidly fascinated by Part III.
“Part III: Triggers for Overthinking” is full of examples based on various factors—health issues, jobs, loss and trauma, intimate relationships, parents and siblings, and children. Each chapter begins with an overview of the topic and discusses the factors that make overthinking so easy. Then we follow along as Nolen-Hoeksma lays out the example, walking us through the scenario. She points out where ovethinking begins, how it affects the thinker’s life, the techniques they used to combat it, and the steps they took over time to become successful thinkers. My first time through Part III, I identified with every overthinking woman profiled. Like Dan had feared, I was overthinking overthinking!
Over the past few months, though, I have really worked at the process of controlling my thoughts. I use the quick fixes (stop!; scheduled thinking time) then if it is still an issue that needs to be thought about, I move to the active steps (look for simple anxiety triggers like PMS, moving forward even when I’m unsure, and recognizing when I’m thinking other people’s thoughts and not my own). I’ve also developed healthier strategies for future problems–I’m more gentle and less critical of myself; I don’t have to have the perfect solution every time there is a problem; and I’ve been creating a new image of myself, one who knows that I can handle problems). I’m not perfect, I still overthink, but I have made progess!
Though I don’t think the phrase “self care” is actually used in Women Who Think Too Much, the whole book is about the importance of self care. As the author says on page 117, “The very fact that you are regularly doing something good for yourself can make you feel better and more in control. Having periods of positive emotion will also give you more opportunities to think creatively about changes you might want to make in your life or about ways you can cope with ongoing stressors.” After all, aren’t our thoughts the most personal part of ourselves? And shouldn’t our thoughts work with us, not against us? Just something to think about…
About Jessica Withers
Jessica has been in a stepmother role to 3 children for almost 2 years. She has recently started a Stepmom Support Group for stepmoms in Tompkin’s County. She has worked in public and academic libraries for over nineteen years.
