Dear Moms and Stepmoms,
It’s that time again when Mother’s Day shows up on a bright, sunny, Sunday in May. In the US, Mother’s Day is May 9…just five days away.
Poll results show those who will send a card and those who won’t send a card in a near dead heat. Some will, some won’t. And that’s OK. But for those of you who said you will send a card
Have you?
And if you’re not sending the other mother a card, will you consider making this day special for someone else? Your own mother, grandmother, auntie, cousin, best friend or a sister stepmom? Or what about honoring your stepkids? If you’re a stepmom and you want them to acknowledge you, maybe you need to teach them how you want to be acknowledged instead of assuming that they should know how to make you feel special.
If you’re sending cards to the your stepkids’ mom or to your kids’ stepmom, leave a comment…I’d like to give you a high five!
Love,
Peggy
I voted that I would NOT send BM a mother’s day card because a) I don’t care to be nice to her and b) I did not think that it would be well recieved. But then I got a belated bithday card in the mail from my mother-in-law. It said Happy Birthday Daughter-in-Law and it touched me so much. I hardly know my mother-in-law, we only met once and it was the day of my wedding. But she thought of me, remembered my birthday, and I have that card up in my office and it makes me feel so special. Someone who doesn’t have to recognize me, think about me, did. And so I decided to write BM a simple card. The card had some flowers on it and inside I wrote “Happy Mothers Day. Hope you enjoy your day. You raised great kids, enjoy!” I wrote my mom a card and I also wrote something for my mother-in-law and step mother-in-law, thanking them for making me feel so welcome in the family. It made me feel a lot better. Maybe BM won’t be touched by the card I sent her, but I feel like it was nice to make sure she knows I recognize her. It made me so happy when someone did that for me.
Dear Sally,
Isn’t it amazing how that belated birthday card made you feel? That your MIL remembered and you felt special. I just love that you’ve recognized that feeling and how awesome it would be to make someone else feel that way. I hope your stepkids’ mom receives your card in the spirit it is intended…to make her feel special!
Love,
Peggy
I won’t be sending one this year, after the drama it caused last year, make that a definite “NO”
I am making a card for my stepdaughter’s mom. We have had quite a year, and it has been very hard emotionally, but I feel as though this card is my way of saying that I remember she is still there, and I am still trying. I am putting alot of heart into this card, and letting my artistic talent pour out on the paper. I hope it is taken well.
Kate
.-= Kate ´s last blog ..Lovely, lovely, lovely =-.
Dear Suomi,
Anyone else you’d like to acknowledge on Mother’s Day? I totally understand and remember what happened last year…you tried and that’s what counts!
Love,
Peggy
Dear Kate,
I hope she receives it well, too. But please know that what you’re doing is courageous. Don’t knock yourself out too much, don’t pour your entire heart into it. Don’t have grand expectations. Perhaps this will be a card that simply breaks the ice…chips away a layer of distrust or insecurity…as long as your intentions are in the right place and you have no expectations of reciprocity all will be good!
Love,
Peggy
I’m not doing it for reward or for anything in return. Not even for respect.
I simply love my little (almost) step daughters and they have a lot of her personality and looks. I can’t help but love her too, not in the STRONG sense of love but in the agape love.
So really it’s my heart reaching out and that’s what it does. I’ve learned with age, it doesn’t matter what it means to them or how they take it. It’s my intention that counts.
I invited her to a special Mother’s day service at my Church and I have a nice little gift I made for her (almost made, still working on it) from the girls.
.-= Angelia Sims´s last blog ..How to Raise a Happy Teenage Girl =-.
Okay, not so sure I can hold hands with you on this one. This is the woman who made and makes my husbands life absolutely miserable and has poisoned his daughter against him (although he kind of helped confirm that one!)
I have a few days, so I will certainly think about it. I am sure, however, it will not be well received.
I’m actually making a cake with my stepkid for her mum for mother’s day. I said was making one for my mum and the kiddo decided she wanted to make one for her mother as well. I guess it’s a win-win-win. I ‘win’ because imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. The Child ‘wins’ because she gets to do something fun with me and give something to her mother. And the mother ‘wins’ because she gets acknowledged on mother’s day.
.-= stef´s last blog ..Don’t be a dick… =-.
Hmmm, interesting. I am thinking, I am not ready for a card as even the mention of my name causes upset but I am ready for good thoughts. That is a beginning and it all helps. Thanks Peggy.
.-= Wilma Ham´s last blog ..Let other women take care of your self-care. =-.
Stef! That’s so awesome!!
Enjoy making the cake!!
Dear Ohio,
Because I know a bit of your situation, what if you made another mom or stepmom feel special? Pick someone you know your gesture will be well received.
xo
Peggy
Dear Angelia,
What a special gift to invite her to church and to make her a gift!
You Rock!
Good thoughts most certainly do help! In fact, you and I both know that’s where it all starts!!
Love Ya!
I worry that I might not get any good out of it, but its the possibility that drives me forward. I hope all goes well for all of you in your choices!
.-= Kate´s last blog ..Lovely, lovely, lovely =-.
Although I am not sure I can send the BM a card, I do always send Mother’s Day cards to my girlfriends and my MIL (with a special note thanking her for raising such an incredible son), and of course, my own very incredible Mother.
Thanks, Peggy for understanding.
I had planned to send a card to both the wife of my ex-husband and to the ex-wife of my husband. However, when I mentioned my plans to my two 20 something sons, they both told me it would be weird for me to send a Mother’s Day card to their stepmother. They advised against it. They said they are perfectly comfortable with having two families and I don’t have to do anything like that for them. I think they want to keep the two families separate. Interesting. My ex and I have been divorced for over ten years now. As far as the ex-wife of my husband, at the moment, due to an upcoming wedding in the family,all of her bad feelings about their divorce have re-surfaced. I do not believe she would be pleased to receive a card from me this year. So, I shall mentally send both women warm thoughts and enjoy the day with my sons and husband. Happy Mother’s Day everyone!
Hi Kate!
Sometimes I really think it’s all about the possibility and not whether any good will come of it. Doing the right thing for the right reason is what’s important – so if sending out an olive branch is the right thing, then do it, if it isn’t – good thoughts are the way to go!
Hi Ellen!
I think if I had told my two 20 something daughters that I was sending their stepmom a card, they’d advise against it, too. So I didn’t tell them when I first sent her a card a few years ago. Like your sons, my daughters are perfectly ok with two separate families. I respect that but these days they do know I send her a Mother’s Day card and a Christmas card every year
I’m sorry to hear about your current situation with your stepkids’ mom.
I hope you enjoy your Mother’s Day!
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OK Peggy, you talked me into it. I sent a card to both women! It felt good. I have never met my kids’ stepmother. In the card I told her I wanted to acknowledge that she was stepmom to my kids. Then I used your recommendation and wished her a joyous and happy Mother’s Day. I am going to tell my kids that there are going to be occasions in the future where both families are going to have to be together in the same room. I want to start now chipping away at the awkward feelings. To my stepkids’ mother I simply wished her a joyous and happy Mother’s Day. I sent the card with good intentions. I am trying to tell her that I am not in competition with her. (I have already told her that over the phone. Already acknowleged that she is and always will be the mother of the steps. I will never try to change that.) She gets to make the choice as to how she will accept the card. I am curious to know what your daughters think about the cards you send to their stepmother. Have a great Mother’s Day!
Nice article. I have bought my present for the mother day and I am happy to have all necessary things. It´s always difficult to find a good present.
I voted that I would send the other mother a card. Well yesturday while she picked the kids up from us, I handed the card to her in front of my step children. Of course they had to say something nasty and ugly about it. She smiled and said thank you; however, I know deep down she is saying “how dare you!” I try not to have a relationship with her at all. I am for the most part very gracious and respectful towards her and while my step children constantly talk about her in our home. I would rather her be a 1000 miles away then have to look at her or speak to her. I will say that it felt good to give her a card in front of the step children.
Hi Peggy, I had all the good intentions of getting her a card this year, but she pretty much blew it with the latest drama. If I give her a card, it will be because I honestly feel like she deserves it and it makes me feel good to give it. Unfortunately, that moment has passed, for now. I envy all the step-moms who have “normal” moms to deal with instead of a psycho one. OH well…
.-= Jenna´s last blog ..Koldkrigsforsker er inde i varmen =-.
I sent a card to the boys’ mother. It was a humorous card but on the inside I thanked her for such sweet, wonderful, loving little boys. I haven’t heard from her, but that’s okay. I also sent a card to my own mother and I didn’t hear back from her either (she has Alzheimer’s though which is a good excuse). The point is, I felt so good inside about making the effort to send cards and write thoughtful notes. I know when I receive cards in the mail (which is rare, let’s face it) I am so delighted. I did put a lot into making other people’s mother’s day special for them this year, and at the end of the day when I went to bed I felt “job well done!” and it was very fun for me!
.-= Lisa Bagshaw´s last blog ..Not My Mother’s Day =-.
Yay Lisa!!
Here’s what happened to me. I sent the cards. My kids’ step mother sent me a very nice thank-you e-card. Yippee!! Have not heard from the bio-mom of my stepkids. Wasn’t expecting anything. It felt good to send the cards. On Mother’s Day my kids’ and I talked more about the reasons behind my sending the card to their step mom. They are now 100% on board. So, at the moment, I am one with the Universe!
Yay Ellen!!
My girls responded very similar to as your kids when I first started sending their stepmom cards. It mostly has to do with their dad and how he reacts to the olive branch overtures. At any rate, this past Christmas, my daughter came home with a gift from her stepmom to me and our family. Homemade cookies that were fabulous – and I so appreciated her gift. Made me feel at one with the Universe, too!
Happy Mother’s Day to all.”"~
Peggy, I will *not* send my step-kid’s mother a card because her recent blog about me was pure immature and full of mockery. Yes, three years later, she felt the need to come out and insult me. But! I’ve stayed calm, surprisingly, lol. Thus, I’ve been re-reading your most recent blog about how to defend (or should I say “retor”?) myself in a “positive” way. I’ll let you know how it turns out when I finally send her the reaction she’s waiting for.
I meant DID NOT send her one. =D
What if you didn’t send her a reaction? What if you didn’t respond at all? What would that feel like? Instead of escalating, what if you just did nothing?
Peggy, I will *not* send my step-kid’s mother a card because her recent blog about me was pure immature and full of mockery. Yes, three years later, she felt the need to come out and insult me. But! I’ve stayed calm, surprisingly, lol. Thus, I’ve been re-reading your most recent blog about how to defend (or should I say “retor”?) myself in a “positive” way. I’ll let you know how it turns out when I finally send her the reaction she’s waiting for.
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