Be Yourself, Be Yourself, Be Yourself

I wish I could make you understand that being yourself is far better than being what you think others expect you to be. What others think is a moving target. Most of the time, you don’t even know what people are thinking about you. It’s like herding cats and nailing Jell-O to a tree at the same time. If you had changeling abilities you’d exhaust them. You’d be constantly changing, morphing, switching back and forth, and all the time wondering “who am I supposed to be?” Just be yourself. And you won’t feel like a worn-out, tired, angry blob. And the truth is, most people don’t have time to think about you anyway. They are too busy being worried about what they think you think of them.

Martyrdom Looks Ugly On You

I do everything around here. I pick up their messes. I do all the laundry. I do all the cooking. No one does a damn thing to help! I’m sick and tired of taking care of his kids and cleaning up after him.

Well, then. You can stop anytime you choose to. The kids can do their own laundry. Teach them how. Your partner, most likely, can cook. You just don’t allow him to. Assign chores. Assign consequences for chores not being done…and stick to them. Kids’ bedrooms can be cleaned by simply shutting the door or by donating or throwing away the sheer volume of unimportant stuff that creates that appearance of the aftermath of an F5 tornado.

Either stop doing for others that which they can do for themselves or stop complaining about it. Martyrdom is a choice. And you won’t get my sympathy if you keep complaining about the same thing over and over and over again.

Perfectionism Is the Greatest Con On Earth

I know you want to do and be your best. Me, too. But there’s a difference in being your best and being perfect. What stops us from trying something new is, in many cases, that we won’t get it right the first or fifth time we make an attempt. We want to be perfect right from the start. Without learning how to do it. Without practicing how to do it. Without mastering how to do it. So we don’t ever take the first step. Because we’re afraid to get it wrong. Because we’re afraid to fail. Because we’re afraid to look like a goof in front of our friends. Because we have to keep up the façade that we have to be perfect.

Well, that’s just puppy doo. Get on with your bad self and learn that something new. I am. And I turn the big 5-0 this year. I don’t want to hear, “I’m too old for that” either, because my something new just happens to be Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. I’m the old lady in class. And I don’t care.

Thoughts Become Things

Mike Dooley, the “Notes From the Universe” guy, explains it much better than I do, but boy oh boy, do I get this. You and I create our reality by the thoughts we think. Once we put that energy out there, the Universe can’t help but give us exactly what we put out there. The Universe wants to work with us, not against us! The more you think in terms of fear, scarcity, and lack, the more of that you create in your own life. The more negative your thoughts, the more negative stuff you create. Don’t believe me? Experiment. For the next 30 days practice positive affirmations. Create a vision board. Make choices and decisions that are based in love rather than fear. Surround yourself by positive, successful people. Write what you truly desire in your journal. The clearer your wants, the clearer your outcomes. Practice. Mind your mind. Become a thought watcher. Observe your actions or your words after a thought. And remember these words from Gandhi,

What you think becomes what you say.
What you say becomes what you do.
What you do becomes your circumstances.

And this is me talking – if you don’t like your circumstances, you have to change first what you are thinking.

I’m not a Pollyanna. I know, from my own experience, how hard of a mind mud wrestle it is with each of these areas. I didn’t know how to be myself until my ex-husband walked out after 19 years of marriage. I had no choice but to figure me out and define who I was without becoming an extension of someone else.

Martyrdom was the first thing that had to go. In the exact moment of my unfolding I had the choice to live in martyrdom forever and ever and be the ugly emotional victim of a man who cheated or I could be better. Not perfect. Just better. I had the choice to rise above, step into the unknown and know I’d fall and make mistakes. I had to learn a new of living my life and the best way to learn is to make mistakes. Turns out I like learning and growing. I told perfectionism to take a hike. And I started minding my mind.

I am proof positive that thoughts really do become things. I am the master of my fate; the captain of my destiny. Once I made my thought shift the Universe conspired with to help me manifest my dreams. Of course, I continue to fine tune my deepest, truest desires and I’m excited about what I’ll be manifesting over the next 12 months.

Are you ready to manifest your dreams? If so, are you ready to be yourself? Are you ready to say buh-bye to martyrdom? Are you willing to forgo perfectionism for something so much better? Are you ready and willing to mind your mind?

I will be teaching an online course on these four major stumbling blocks to harmony and balance. Course begins March 15 and will run for four weeks. Be on the lookout for early bird registration!