Stepmonster by Wednesday Martin, Ph.D.

May 26, 2009 by Peggy Nolan

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S tepmonster: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, and Act the Way We Do (♦♦♦♦♦)

by Wednesday Martin is a must read for any step mom who’s experienced anger, resentment, jealousy when it comes to her husband’s kids or his ex-wife. Martin’s research is impeccable and eye-opening. As a step mom myself, I was more than interested in some of the feelings I have, especially the ones that just don’t make sense to my logical brain. For example, early on in my marriage, I sensed that my stepson and I were silently competing for my husband’s attention. In chapter 3, Martin identifies areas of competition as a “step dilemma.” I very much identified the area of the “power” competition. Even today, after nearly three years, my stepson will slide in a comment “hey dad, remember when we cooked hot dogs on the grill at Park Ave?” Martin states that while I, the step mom, have the immediacy of the present, my step kids have the past. And for my stepson, (and for whatever reason) it’s important for him to remind his dad of the time it was “just the boys” living in an apartment on Park Ave (not the Monopoly Park Ave!)