The Stepmom's Tool Box

The Smart Stepmom by Ron L. Deal and Laura Petherbridge

After I became a Stepmom in 2006 I found Ron L. Deal’s website, Successful Stepfamilies and bought his sanity saving book,”The Smart Step Family.”  I’ve been a fan of his since June 2007 and when I discovered that he was co-authoring The Smart Stepmom with Laura Petherbridge, I was very excited.  Why?  Because I believe that we stepmoms need all the resources we can get in our hands and into our Toolboxes!

The Smart Stepmom not only gets the Toolbox thumbs up, but it gets five stars, five hearts, five thumbs up, five High-Fives…Yes, I love this book!

The Smart Stepmom sticks to five key principles

–How to Cook a Step Family
–Stepping Down Your Expectations
      Letting Go
      Accepting What Is
      Relax
–Making Your Marriage a [TOP] Priority
–Understanding Two Key Aspects of The Parenting Team
–Experience and Faith Based Wisdom

Any time Ron and Laura expose a Stepmom or Step Family issue, they offer up practical solutions THAT WORK! And I know you, my sister stepmoms are looking for simple solutions that work!  For example,

• Make small changes
  Encourage alone time for dad and kids
  Keep Your Girlfriends!
  Taking small steps
  Starting new traditions
  Managing [and OWNING] your emotions, feelings and fears

“Loss triggers a constant fear of more loss.” Deal and Petherbridge

I had a few light bulb moments while reading The Smart Stepmom.  How children process grief gave me new insight to how my daughters processed my divorce from their dad which was quickly followed by my breast cancer diagnosis.  My girls rode a roller coaster that, for them, had no end.  Likewise, it opened my eyes to how my youngest stepson may have processed my husband’s divorce from his ex-wife.  Junior was only eleven years old.  One year after the divorce, his dad was deployed to Iraq.  Much like my daughters, Junior experienced the never ending roller coaster ride. 

Section two of The Smart Stepmom is all about you and your husband.  In fact, you and your husband should read this together…or you first and then you read it to your husband (I fall into that camp…I read a lot of stuff to Richard!)  One quote that struck me like no other in the book, because I preach this as loud as I can and will continue to do so, “Nothing will  destroy yur home more quickly than communicating a loyalty to your children that is greater than your loyalty to your wife…THIS ISN’T A STATEMENT OF PREFERENCE, BUT A STATEMENT OF PERMANENCE.”

Thank you Ron and Laura because I can’t say it enough.  The marriage is the first relationship in the home next to mom and dad’s relationship with your God. 

Ladies, you know my magical formula:  Happy Marriage = Happy Kids

And ladies, like it or not, in chapter nine, Laura is going to introduce you to your ex-wife-in-law.  As most of you know, that’s how I refer to Richard’s ex-wife.  Why?  Because when I married Richard I married his kids, his ex-wife, and her entire family.

Without further adieu, I give you The Smart Stepmom.  Every stepmom should have this in her toolbox.  You’ll refer to it often and share it with other stepmoms and remarried families!