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Reality Stings
An excerpt from Peggy and Teresa’s summer release “Angry: How Burnt-Out Stepmoms Can Reclaim Their Happily Ever-After” (working title) Reality Stings We heard Gretel’s piercing scream through the open kitchen windows. My husband and I stared motionless at one another as we listened to the high falsetto of a situation gone terribly wrong. The shouts of several more children on the heals of my stepdaughter’s shrieks made us jump simultaneously toward the door. My husband reached it first, tearing it open and...
read moreForging a Bond Thicker Than Blood
I didn’t know my dad got married again until I received the card. Enclosed was a picture of him, his new wife, and her seven year old son, along with the marriage announcement. I was 36 years old and living in Germany at the time. I wouldn’t meet his fourth wife, Sharon, until I came home for my sister’s wedding later that same year, fifteen years ago. (In case anyone is keeping score, dad’s first wife was my bio-illogical mother, his second wife was my mom, his third wife was a speed bump, and now we’re up to...
read moreAre You Practicing “StepFamily” Every Day?
Raise your hand if you make the time to practice this step thing. How many of you are actively participating in creating your own family rather than operating under the influence of automatic pilot, assumptions, and expectations? Here’s an excerpt from my most recent article in the spring issue of Applaud Women. Stepfamilies are hard. There is no magic pixie dust, there is no magic fairy wand, and there is no silver bullet that makes it easy. It’s constant practice, day in and day out and it takes an average of seven years for a...
read moreShe Never Changed My Diapers
Mom came into my life a month before I turned nine. I had no idea dad was getting married…or maybe I did and I just don’t remember. He moved me and my three brothers from our home in San Rafael, CA to a larger home in Santa Venetia, CA. I had to change schools. I had to say good bye to all my friends on Cedar Hill Drive. I had to make a new best friend. I went from being the oldest and only girl in my family to being number three of seven. When dad married mom, I acquired two older sisters and another younger brother. Life in the...
read moreMother’s Day, Stepmoms, and Expectations
In the past, I’ve dared both moms and stepmoms to put down their seething swords, even if just for a day, and send each other a card of thanks. A simple thank you goes a long, long way – especially when it is said in earnest and is heartfelt. This year I’m encouraging stepmoms to take the dare one small step further. I challenge you to examine your expectations. What is it about Mother’s Day that sends you into despair? Why are you upset when your step-kids don’t acknowledge you on this day? What acknowledgement are you looking for...
read moreThe Trouble With Should
How often do you find yourself saying “his ex-wife shouldn’t call during dinner,” “the kids should pick up after themselves,” “little Timmy’s mom should spend more time with him,” or “my husband shouldn’t have to pay so much in child support?” The word should keeps you locked in a perpetual state of war with reality. The word should adds stress, keeps you angry, and can cause rifts in your most important relationship: your marriage. Like most stepmoms, I lived in my own world of should and should not without even...
read moreTweens! A Book Review by Jessica Withers
Many of my stepmom friends are struggling with tween stepchildren. I have a tween and two teens which made researching “normal” tween behavior sound like something I needed to do—now! As a childless stepmom, I am often unclear about what is typical kid behavior and what behaviors are caused by other factors, like the child’s personality or living in two houses with two different sets of rules and expectations. What I learned about tweens was frightening! A tween can be defined as a child between the ages of 8 and 13. Think back to what...
read moreWhat Happens When Your Stepchild Unexpectedly Comes To Live With You?
An excerpt from The I of the Storm by Peggy Nolan and Teresa Thompson The Unexpected Arrival “Gretel’s coming to live with us.” My husband’s pronouncement of my future as a stepmom sounded like some offhand comment about the weather. I wasn’t sure I heard him correctly. I froze in mid-step, unable to decide if I should sit down or keep moving. I recovered enough to gawk at Prince Charming and stammer, “What do you mean Gretel’s coming to live with us? I thought she was supposed to live with her...
read moreMind Your Mind
So true. And this is also true if you are carrying the anger about your husband’s past (that he was married to someone else first or had kids with her) The more we stay rooted in the past, the less likely we’re able to appreciate this very moment. Stop obsessing over the past. There’s not a thing you can do to change what already has happened. When we live in the past, scarcity, lack, and fear take over our thought patterns. Jealousy and anger rob us of the joy, love, and happiness we claim we passionately desire. Deep...
read moreCode To Joy – A Book Review
It is gratifying to see western science begin to catch up with the wisdom of the sages, such as Lao Tze, Jesus, Buddha, St. Francis of Assissi and others. And it is also gratifying to see the Code to Joy: The Four-Step Solution to Unlocking Your Natural State of Happiness authors, George Pratt, Ph.D and Peter Lambrou, Ph.D, embrace the mind, body, spirit connection that has been well known in eastern philosophy and in the higher aspects of religion for at least 5,000 years. When I began reading the book what immediately caught my attention was...
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