Get Control of You. If you feel you’re steplife is out of control, get control of you before you help others. Don’t become a victim of your partner’s post divorce life.
Change. Change is a fact of life but don’t expect your stepfamily to change anytime soon. You’ve married into a pre-existing condition. Behavior patterns between your husband and his ex, your husband and his children, your husband and his parents were established long before you came into the picture. The best way to affect change is to lead by example, say what you mean and mean what you say, set clear boundaries and take care of yourself.
Personal Development. Personal development is the cornerstone of your personal success in every aspect of your life – including your role as a stepmom. It’s more important to become a better you than to dig into the psychology of why the ex does what she does. Spend more time developing yourself than worrying about her and you’ll be fine. In the success industry, leaders are readers. Whether you’re running a multi-million dollar company or a blended family of six, read the likes of Napoleon Hill, John Maxwell, Jack Canfield, etc.
Stop the Insanity. Benjamin Franklin once said, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.” If what you are doing isn’t working, stop, reassess, make a change. Be mindful of your habitual behavior and assess what’s working or not working.
Let the Parents Parent. Your stepchildren have parents. Allow the parent(s) to do the parenting while you focus on building trust, respect, and integrity with your stepchildren. On average it takes seven years for a stepfamily to blend – that’s 10,000 hours of practice four hours a day, every day for seven years.
Awareness. Be aware that divorce leaves painful memories and toxic residue for many years. This is not an excuse or justification for bad behavior; however, awareness leads to understanding and understanding allows you to respond to the bad behavior rather than react (remember: in medicine a reaction is bad, a response is good).
Keep in mind your mileage may vary. Take what applies and leave the rest.
Make today count!
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