Raising Junior

Jun 4, 2009 by Peggy Nolan

The long rope theory Richard and I tried last week either is a colossal failure or a resounding success. It just depends on perspective.

Junior is not an easy kid. I knew that when I became his step mom. As the last child at home, Junior is lucky. No older siblings to taunt him or pick on him. No resources to share. And he’s got his dad and me pretty much at his disposal.

But when Junior feels the need to up the tension and chaos, he does so in spades. My home is in a state of dis-harmony and it’s out of balance. My home is a refuge from the daily gunk…or at least it’s supposed to be.

chaos Junior’s recent escapades have left both Richard and I scratching our heads. Dis-harmony exchos inside the walls and inside my heart. I am not OK with Junior.

And I hate feeling this way.

Under close examination and self-inquiry, I can honestly say that I know I can’t fix or change him. I can lead him to water, but I can’t make him drink. I’m cool with that…really. It’s not like he’s the first teenager I’ve dealt with. He is who he is. I get that. I understand that.

I can operate within this paradigm.

But what has me stuck is the simple realization that I am raising someone else’s child. Where’s his mother? Why isn’t she dealing with him? Out of sight, out of mind? Another realization is that I’m still miffed that Junior’s mother sent him home with my oldest step daughter the night Richard and I returned home from our semi-blissful vacation. Which meant, Junior was in the truck when The Student picked us up. Who does that? Who packs up their kid on a Saturday night at 10PM to be sent home with dad after dad and step mom have been traveling for 7 hours?

I’m a mom, too,…and I would never dream of being that inconsiderate.

The other realization is that I know I am creating distance between myself and Junior. I haven’t spoken to him and I’ve barely made direct eye contact with him since Saturday afternoon. Things are not cool between us. I told Junior that it’s in his best interest not to be in the same space with me. I have nothing nice to say. Nothing constructive to contribute.