Part V: The Grand Illusion
Stumbling Awake
Sometimes, stumbling awake can be a painful, but necessary, experience. My journey as a step mom often flies in the face of my journey as a mom. Having a central role in my remarried family dynamic has been illuminating, frustrating, wonderful, perplexing, strange, odd, weird, and most of the time, down right fantabulous. I love my husband, I love his kids. And just like nearly every other stepmom, I struggle with or have struggled with boundaries, schedules (or lack thereof), my role as a step parent, am I doing too much / too little. I’ve struggled with feelings of resentment, anger, and yes, even hostility. As a stepmom, I am the same as every other stepmom. Our differences are nothing more than the degrees of intensity each of our challenges present in our circumstances.
Deep Inside We’re All The Same
But I”m not just a stepmom. I am also an ex-wife and with two kids of my own from my first marriage. Which makes me just the same as my husband’s ex-wife. The problems and challenges we both faced with failed marriages and split families are the same as every other ex-wife with failed marriages and split families.
If, as in Judeo-Christian teachings, we are all made in God’s image or if, in yogic and Buddhist teachings, the Divine resides in all of us, then as the song goes, “deep inside we’re all the same.” However, it is our distorted reality through self-betrayal and self-deception that compels each of us to find our differences which keep the mom/stepmom relationship in a perpetual state of internal and external conflict.
Saturday night, as I stood and listened to Styx belt out “Welcome to the Grand Illusion,” I realized that Richard’s ex-wife and I are more the same than we are different. We have more in common than I’ve ever cared to acknowledge. The most obvious thing we have in common is that we both picked Richard…the only difference is that I picked him twice.
As I get ready to click on the publish button, I have a few questions for you to think about before you tune into Styx…
- What if you checked your ego at the door for the day?
- What happens if you leave the “I’m better than her” mantra or your “what is she thinking” question alone for just today?
- What would your day be like without this internal conflict?
Welcome to the Grand Illusion
Written by Dennis DeYoung
Lead Vocals by Dennis DeYoung
Welcome to the Grand illusion
Come on in and see what’s happening
Pay the price, get your tickets for the show
The stage is set, the band starts playing
Suddenly your heart is pounding
Wishing secretly you were a star.
But don’t be fooled by the radio
The TV or the magazines
They show you photographs of how your life should be
But they’re just someone else’s fantasy
So if you think your life is complete confusion
Because you never win the game
Just remember that it’s a Grand illusion
And deep inside we’re all the same.
We’re all the same…
So if you think your life is complete confusion
Because your neighbors got it made
Just remember that it’s a Grand illusion
And deep inside we’re all the same.
We’re all the same…
America spells competition, join us in our blind ambition
Get yourself a brand new motor car
Someday soon we’ll stop to ponder what on Earth’s this spell we’re under
We made the grade and still we wonder who the hell we are
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZW8TlrYhBxk]
Over the next few days, I will be tackling the concept of Collusion and how it plays into Self-Betrayal and Self-Deception.
Related Posts
Tags
Share This
1. What if you checked your ego at the door for the day?
2. What happens if you leave the “I’m better than her” mantra or your “what is she thinking” question alone for just today?
3. What would your day be like without this internal conflict?
I can answer all those questions in one.
Ever since I recently accepted that the problem with the ‘ex’ was me and all the problems surrounding her, made me into a rabid dog that sunk in the teeth and wouldnt let go; I have found my life quite empty!
How strange is that!
I have nothing to focus on anymore.
So in answer to your questions, checking my ego at the door and leaving the “I’m better than her” has left me searching for something to fill the void of time that consumed me obsessing over one person that I have no influence over.
There are so many things I said I never had time for but wanted to do and letting go has given me a new focus and direction to improve me and use that time more wisely!
It is rather liberating – though I wont be burning the bra!
It’s been a long, hard struggle for me to learn to check my ego and all of my assumed issues at the door. The outcome, however, has given me so much more than I could have possibly imagined. I am happier, healthier, and feel more in control of myself. Breaking down the illusion is worth the effort for any struggling stepmom because the end result is FREEDOM!
Ann – I’d love to help you find ways to fill the void…but I’m quite certain you’ll find something to fill not just the void, but fill you up with happiness as well!
Teresa – FREEDOM is what it’s all about. When we walk in the light and expose our faults, insecurities, fears and doubts to ourselves, we begin the path of enlightenment!