Obsessive Thinking – Ending the Endless Loop of Negativity
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“I can’t get her out of my head.”
“I think about my husband’s ex-wife all the time.”
“I can’t stop thinking that he slept with her.”
“She was his first lover…”
“They were married for seventeen years…”
There’s this saying, “what you think about you bring about,” and for many stepmoms, we think too much. We think about our husband’s previous life before us and for some, this thinking becomes obsessive. And obsessive thinking is nothing more than an endless loop of negativity that will keep you trapped in a past you were never part of.
As human beings, none of us are immune to this erroneous tape recording. As stepmoms we get sucked into the loop even more because of our own insecurities, fears, and doubts. Two years ago, even I got sucked in. My husband’s ex-wife was juggling her second divorce and her new boyfriend. She decided that the person to call with her personal issues was MY husband. I was in the shower when she called and my husband didn’t keep the call private. With all the windows in the house open, I heard his thirty minute conversation with her. It didn’t matter why she called. It mattered that my husband gave her thirty minutes of his emotional time – time she was no longer entitled to.
I fumed. I paced. I dropped the F bomb in my head at least a thousand times. By the time he got off the phone with her, I was beyond livid. As far as I was concerned he gave her time that rightfully belonged to me. Days after Richard and I discussed her border incursion and his lack of judgment in taking her personal call, the endless loop of obsessive thinking kept my mind from focusing on more important things. The Ex-Wife took up residence inside my head and she infiltrated every nook and cranny of my thinking brain.
I may have been Richard’s first girlfriend in high school, but I was not his first lover, his first wife, his first anything else. I poured my heart out to my sister stepmoms on smoms.org. I bought “Ex-Wives, Ex-Lives” and read it, hoping for a clue as to why my normally secure self turned into an obsessive thinking harpie. Want to read more? I know you do!
To see how my experience can help you, you’ll just have to login to this month’s online issue of StepMom Magazine!
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Ooh I can’t wait to read!!! I have a draft in my blog posts titles, “My Magnificent Obsession” about exactly this issue. I haven’t finished it though(perhaps because I haven’t yet let go enough to be finished writing about it…?). This is probably my biggest struggle as a second wife/stepmom.
Peggy you rock!!!
Ooh I can’t wait to read!!! I have a draft in my blog posts titled, “My Magnificent Obsession” about exactly this issue. I haven’t finished it though(perhaps because I haven’t yet let go enough to be finished writing about it…?). This is probably my biggest struggle as a second wife/stepmom.
Peggy you rock!!!
I am glad I am not alone in this. It’s been over 15 years and I still get a little insecure and obsessive from time to time. Sorry women, I’m afraid that time doesn’t automatically banish the crazy-making. It takes work. EWO, you have to finish that post! Now I am dying to read it! – G