Must Reads for Stepmoms
Stepmother Secrets and Lies posted by Wednesday Martin on 8/10/09
“As a mother, I’ve felt tremendous relief and validation as writers (whether they’re blogging or publishing in traditional print media) have recently blown the lid off the secrets lives and feelings of mommies.”
“When will it be okay for us to write with such brutal honesty about how much it sucks (sometimes) to be a stepmother?”
An Outraged Rant: Legal Guardianship posted by Jacqueline Fletcher on 8/5/09
“…WE ARE NOT FAMILY IN THE EYES OF THE LAW. That means unless you have a legal guardianship document that is signed by BOTH PARENTS if they are still living and available, then you can’t take the kids to the hospital and okay an emergency medical procedure that could save their lives, pick them up from school, ask for a report card from school, or GET THEM A LIBRARY CARD.”
Why You Shouldn’t Put His Kids First posted by Wednesday Martin on 8/6/09
“But it turns out that putting the kids first is not something everyone should be doing. Particularly stepparents. And most especially stepmothers. Sure, their husbands need to carve out time for just the kids when they show up for their time with dad and stepmom. But it turns out that kids generally don’t need or even want the household to revolve around their every whim–it feels uncomfortable for everyone”
♥ ♥ ♥
First of all, I feel like Wednesday has given me permission to tell it like it really is – as stepmoms we KNOW that being a stepmom is the hardest job in the known Universe. But did you all know how stress-free my home is right now without Junior? On one hand I feel guilty for not feeling guilty that he’s not home…on the other hand I’m enjoying the peace and quiet.
Jacque’s post on her issue with getting her stepkids a LIBRARY CARD is resonating with stepmoms everywhere. I’m not sure if I’m living in a stepmom bubble though – I have yet to run into any issues scheduling doctor appointments, dentist appointments, I drop off his meds to the school, I pick up his prescriptions, etc – I do everything a parent can and does do. Who has problems here?
And finally – you really should not put the his kids first. In fact, your husband should not put his kids first. The first relationship in the family is the marriage – that gets top billing. Period. Let me be clear on something – when the mom and dad can put their differences aside that is good for the kids, but carrying that over into new relationships is not good. Wednesday explains this much better than me – so go read her article!
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Hi Peggy!
I had problems with schools and doctors in the past not recognizing me as the children’s stepmother. Only the actual parents could access that information (and sometimes only the kid’s mother, but that’s another story.)
At that point I realized that I shouldn’t have access to that information unless my husband put me on record at the school or the doctor’s office. At that point, I saw no reason for that. My husband is perfectly capable of handling things for his children. He may need a little reminder now and then, but there is no reason for me to do the work that he is capable of and willing to do. I am not the kids’ mother and they do not live in my home full time. I realized that my need to be the one involved with the schools was simply that: MY need to stand up and be recognized, and in effect, have some control over the situation.
Once I rid myself of that need, I placed everything in the hands of my very capable husband and went on to enjoy MY life.
Cecelia – Isn’t it wonderful when we can recognize when we have a need we don’t really need? I’ve rid myself of a few of those kinds of unneeded needs, too!