Joy – Enough to Go Around

Dec 31, 2009 by Peggy Nolan

To all my sister stepmoms – Walmart and Coke know who we are…we’re the really cool stepmom!  And I’m pretty sure this 1minute ad could very well be my family…

My Christmas 2009 Photo Collage

Christmas at my Dad’s and Sharon’s

1963: Dad m Suzanne = me, David, Chris, and Michael

…Suzanne declared unfit to raise kittens, puppies, ants, and children in 1971.  Dad sets precedent by obtaining full physical and legal custody of four children ages 1-8.  I last see Suzanne a few months before my ninth birthday.

1972: Dad m Patsy = acquisition of Terrill, Rebecca, and Kenneth

…Mom adopted me, David, Chris, and Michael when I was twelve

…Dad adopted Ken…Terrill and Rebecca refer to my dad as “Dad”

1991: Dad m Jill = plants and horses (we don’t know why Dad married Jill…rebound perhaps…)

1997: Dad m Sharon = acquisition of Joe

Sharon is my dad’s 4th wife and my stepmom.  My mom was my dad’s second wife.  This year at Christmas five of seven siblings and our families gathered together at my Dad and Sharon’s.  My brother-in-law made an amazing toast to my dad because even though the man has been married four times, he’s created a family that truly enjoys and loves each other.  Whether we’re related by blood or by marriage, we’re a FAMILY and the word  ”step” has no place in our family vocabulary.

Christmas at Mim’s…

Our next Christmas celebration was at Cindy’s mom’s.  Mim is, for want of a better title, my mother-in-law.  Everybody understands what a mother-in-law is and introducing her as “my husband’s ex-wife’s mother” got some really strange looks and I could always tell when someone was actually trying to figure it out.  Mim is both a mom and a stepmom – I give the lion’s share of credit to her and Melinda (my other Mother-in-law) for creating a mom/stepmom relationship over twenty years ago.  It gave me and Cindy a framework in which to model our relationship.  When your husband’s ex-wife’s mom and stepmom welcome you into the family as a daughter, it’s hard not to find ways to make things work.  See that picture of the two women with the cute little baby?  That ‘s me on the left, Cindy on the right, and our grand daughter Olivia in the middle.  And there’s also a good picture of me and Junior…

Christmas at chez Nolan

I really wish I had more pictures, but as host and hostess, Richard and I decided to enjoy our guests.  I do remember handing the camera to Junior but he took like six pictures of everyone else and roughly a gazillion of Olivia (the kid is going to grow up thinking a camera must be pointed at her at all times!) At least there’s a pretty good picture of me, Richard and our oldest daughter, Jessica, who is mine from my first marriage. And Junior got a decent photo of me and Cindy reading “Twas the Night Before Christmas” – we took turns reading each page.

Who showed up at our home Christmas Eve?  It’s more like who didn’t.  Take part of my dad’s party, part of Mim’s party, throw in a few extra guests, and toss them together.  I’m pretty sure we had thirty people in our home…It was wonderful chaos!

There’s more than enough joy to go around…and my wish for 2010 is that more moms/stepmoms realize that for themselves and work towards building a better relationship…because, really…there is more than enough joy to go around.  And if you can’t build a better relationship, work on yourself.  Work on creating more joy and happiness for yourself and for your marriage.

Best wishes for a fabulous New Year and a New Decade!

Peggy