Resentment is one of those pesky, silent, quiet, and emotionally suffocating feelings. Stepmoms often tell me it’s a crushing blow to be resentful of the very person they profess to love “til death do us part.”
What causes resentment?
Humiliating incidents such as accepting negative treatment without voicing any protest
Envy / Jealousy
Feeling used or taken advantage of
Not being acknowledged
Emotional rejection, belittling, scorn
Common signs of resentment include
Passive Aggressive behavior
Faking happiness with the one you love to cover your true feelings
Making sarcastic comments
Becoming angry for no apparent reason
The effects of resentment are debilitating! Not just to you but to those you profess to love.
You may develop a hostile, cynical attitude which will stunt any relationship growth and maturity
Resentment will keep you stuck in a negative cycle that is self-abusive and self-repeating
Prolonged resentment will stifle any personal growth
You will become a haggard, bitter woman
It will eventually doom your relationships, including your marriage
- Feeling that stepmom angst?
- Resentful, angry, hurt?
- Are you and your husband/boyfriend fighting?
- Do you seethe silently?
If you are not married and wondering why on earth you hooked up with a man with kids:
- Do I really love him enough to stay?
- I am so afraid of being alone and on my own that I can’t leave?
Married or in a relationship:
- Is it really the stepmom issues that are dragging me down?
- Are my stepmom challenges triggering underlying personal issues?
- Am I self-sabotaging with my thoughts?
- Do my partner and I communicate openly and honestly?
- Do my partner and I resolve conflict in a manner that pulls us together rather than push us apart?
- Do I communicate openly and honestly with myself?
- Do I engage in self-sacrificing/martyr behavior?
- Do I make time to cultivate and grow me?
Copy these questions into your journal and take one at a time. Some of these questions may make you feel uncomfortable – don’t worry – being uncomfortable won’t hurt you. Be still long enough to let the feeling pass so that you can dig deeper and get the Cause of your discomfort. Once you reach the Cause, the real cause (not the convenient blame or excuse) you will be able to understand and with understanding comes the ability to create a solution that really works.
Isn’t it time you kicked your resentment to the curb? I’d love to hear from you. Please leave a comment below and share your thoughts.
Feel free to connect with me on The Stepmom’s Toolbox Facebook Page if you need support working through this.