Have You Done Your Will Yet?
Wills? Trusts? Estate-Planning? This is a must read for every StepCouple. Thank you Carrie Collins Fadell for this fabulous and timely guest blog.
It could be called the subject that no one wants to talk about, and stepfamily life only makes it more complex. It is the subject of wills, trusts, and estate planning – making your final wishes known. Do you know what your financial tomorrow would look like if your significant other were to pass away today? Would anyone know what your wishes are for your property, pets, and assets if you were to pass away unexpectedly?
It seems that all around us there are examples of blended family estate planning don’ts. The high profile celebrity stepfamily estate battles of James Brown, best-selling Jurassic Park author and ER writer Michael Crichton, and Dennis Hopper, who was battling over visitation and property with his second wife while he was on his death bed, don’t paint a very rosy picture of what happens when money, remarriage, and family members are mixed together.
Luckily, I was able to find one person who does like to talk about this subject. Legacy expert attorney and author of Trial & Heirs: Famous Fortune Fights!, Danielle Mayoras was more than happy to weigh in on this subject. Mayoras told me that, far from a morbid topic, a trust or will is a way for individuals to protect their assets and secure a legacy for those they love. Whether you have fifty dollars in your checking account or fifty thousand, some simple planning by you and your partner can not only make your final wishes known, it can lessen the chance that those that you spent a lifetime loving will be pitted against each other in battle after your death.
Even before a will and trust come into play, a prenuptial agreement can be a great way of protecting what you are bringing into a remarriage. Stepmoms-to-be who are planning to say “I do” in 2012 should consider taking care of themselves and any children they are bringing into the family with this tool. Even though trying on wedding dresses and sampling wedding cake flavors are much more fun pre-ceremony duties than this little detail (some may even consider the topic to be downright impolite), prenuptial agreements can be extremely useful. “People are in love and they don’t want to bring the lawyers in,” said Mayoras. “The reality is that a prenuptial agreement is a way for people to protect their assets for years to come, not just on their wedding day.”
Women without children who marry at an older age are in a unique position. These women may have an entire lifetime of assets built up. In contrast, their new spouse may have considerably less after dealing with the cost of divorce, putting children through college, and paying child support and alimony payments. I was raised to think that it is impolite not to share, but sometimes a girl needs to protect herself. “Prenuptial agreements can include things such as excluding one spouse’s income or assets from paying for the long-term care of the other spouse,” continued Mayoras.
If your spouse should become ill and require long-term care, will that dig into your savings/assets, or are there other plans in place? While this may sound cruel and heartless, all I am suggesting is some simple planning and discussions – because financing long-term care (for yourself or someone else) can easily bankrupt an individual. Stepmoms on the receiving end of a prenuptial agreement can use the document to their advantage. Mayoras thinks these can even be a way to give his children from previous relationships comfort. “In estate planning, a lot of problems occur around second-plus marriages, and a prenuptial agreement can be a way to show the children that this relationship is not about money,” states Mayoras.
After marriage, you should update your will and trust to include or exclude whomever you wish. A will, trust, or estate plan is a separate set of documents from the prenuptial agreement covering a different set of concerns. Sadly, only 45% of the people who passed away over the last three years in the U.S had documentation making their final wishes known.
Part of planning for your future is to know what your partner’s will entails. More men than ever are custodial parents to their children, meaning that more stepmoms are sacrificing their own careers to assist in raising their stepchildren. This results in a loss of income and career advancement if stepmom is taking time out of her career or delaying education to participate in childcare for her stepchildren. Mayoras suggests that it is facing up to the reality of knowing what would happen if he were to pass. Is the house only in his name? Are you the beneficiary on his life insurance policies? Will you be able to continue to care for his children? Has he updated his will since his divorce? This is good advice for any married woman, stepmother or not.
Your will outlines your last wishes. Stepmoms without children of their own may wish to designate all or a portion of their personal property or life insurance to go to a family member, charity, or care of a pet instead of their stepchildren. While you might want these things, you can’t just sit back and expect that everyone is able to read your mind. Mayoras mentioned that the late actress Brittany Murphy knew this, and had updated her estate plan after her marriage to exclude her husband Simon Monjack from inheriting her estate. Instead, she left everything to her mother. Perhaps this was her way of caring for her mother in the event that she should die young, which unfortunately happened in December of 2009.
Make a plan. If you are having trouble starting the necessary discussions with your significant other, Mayoras suggests that you start by talking with a lawyer or therapist to get the ball rolling. When I designated a portion of my life insurance money to go to the individual who would be caring for my pets and my favorite charity, instead of the entire policy going to my stepsons, I felt guilty telling my husband. However, the economic reality was that I wanted my pets to be well cared for if my spouse and I both passed.
One savvy stepmom told me that one of the smartest things that she has done was to create a will with her husband that specifically excluded his ex-wife from receiving any personal property or life insurance monies. “I wanted it spelled out that we intentionally left her out of the will and as a beneficiary on the policies. If my husband and I die together, the intended recipients will benefit from our hard work,” the stepmom said.
She even included a list of people that were allowed in her house after death to go through her belongings. If nothing else, I am sure that it gives her peace of mind. After all, who wants to be sitting in economy class on an airplane experiencing mid-flight turbulence and worrying about the ex-wife riffling through your personal papers and underwear drawer if the plane goes down?
Carrie Collins Fadell,MPA is college instructor and runs a media promotions company. She is a wife and childless stepmother. Catch up with her at: The Thoroughly Modern Stepmom www.modernstepmom.com
Danielle Mayoras is a Credentialed Professional Gerontologist. She uses her expertise in estate planning and elder law in her book and blog, Trial and Heirs. The book and blog are a journey through the estate planning mistakes of Michael Jackson, Heath Ledger, Marlon Brando, Princess Di, Gary Coleman and other well-known celebrities. Mayoras and her husband are passionate about using these examples to show individuals how to maintain control of their assets and legacy, during their lifetime and after they pass away. www.trialandheirs.com
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