For Step Moms Who Do Too Much

Mar 30, 2009 by Peggy Nolan

I have a book at home  called “For Women Who Do Too Much” and I bet I have a copy of “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff.”  I think both books need to be retitled, “For Step Moms Who Do Too Much” and “Step Moms,  Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff.”  I don’t think the titles will be changed just for us wonderful Step Moms, but I do think all my Step Mom friends need to read both!

I hear from so many of my step mom friends that they are always busy, but they’re not really getting anywhere…they seem to be stuck in the small stuff…and stuck in doing urgent but unimportant things for other people. Does this sound like you? If so…read on!

When you do too much for your husband and step children, do you find yourself resentful?  Stressed out?  Frustrated?  Angry?  Are you single handedly trying to do all of the parenting, taking care of all of the house, working a full time / part time job AND taking care of your man? 

When was the last time you let the kids do the laundry, your husband do the dishes and you went upstairs and soaked in the tub for an hour? 

Yesterday, we had a snowstorm – school was cancelled and both my husband and I stayed home from work.  I still worked…but I did it from the comfort and safety of my home office.  My darling step-son was home as well. But there we were…pretty much trapped in the house together while it snowed, sleeted, iced, rained (you name it, Mother Nature dropped lots of cold stuff on New England!)

As a recovering woman / step mom / mom / wife who did too much, I still wrote my husband’s resume, worked from home, and made sure my step son ate lunch, studied, and cleaned his room.  Around 3PM, after trying to restore the desktop on my husband’s laptop, I went upstairs with glass of wine in hand, turned on the bath tub fawcett, scooped in my favorite SeaSalt Soak, lit a candle, and set up my iPod so I could listen to Clair de Lune, over and over and over again, while reading “The Alchemist.” 

I stayed in that tub for one glorious hour.  And I decided, that if I was to keep the main thing the main thing for me, that I had to cut some distractions out of my schedule.  That every decision I make with my time needs to lead me in the direction of being a wildly successful writer and a sought after yoga teacher. 

When was the last time you did something for yourself?  When did you last recharge your batteries?  Are you working on you OR are you so focused on other people that you forgot how to focus on yourself?  Are you so focused on singlehandely rescuing the world, that you are no longer living the life you envisioned?

What I have learned from trying to be all things to all people, is this:

1.  We make time for what we value.  Six years ago, I never made time for myself.  I was too busy taking care of everyone else.  Were did it get me?  Divorced and battling breast cancer.  You bet – today I make time for myself because I VALUE who I am.

2.  If you are unwilling to impose your terms upon life, then you must be willing to accept the scraps life tosses your way.  I really got tired with the scraps, so I decided to drive my own bus, impose my own terms, and accept 100% responsibility for my life.  I am where I am because of the decisions and choices I have made. 

3.  Be your best advocate – in EVERYTHING!  With your health, your wealth, your emotional well being, your mental well being, your physical well being, your career, and most definitely, be YOUR best advocate in the dream you are pursuing.  If you are not your best advocate, I am here to tell  you that no one will do it for you.  No one cares about you as much as  you do.  And if you don’t care about you, no one else will either.

When you go home from work today or when you put the kiddos down for a nap, take a time out for you.  Everything can wait until you recharge. 

Take care of yourself…it can be rough out there!

Blessings,

The Bonus Mom