Tess Marshall has an amazing article today that I believe you must read. Today. Right now. Go on. I’ll wait.
Why? Because one of the reasons stepmoms find themselves in such a pickle is their need to control. (Been there!) Once I let go of my need to control people (i.e. the Ex-Wife) outside my little world, I became a much happier person and my marriage grew stronger.
Control is what our ego convinces us to exert on someone or something else. In realtiy the only thing we can control is ourselves.
I often want to change others. The only person I can change is myself.When we want to change the world we begin by changing ourselves. It’s what Ghandi meant when he said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”
When we become opinonated and think we know how the world should change what we really know is how we need to change.
When I see a fearful world filled with doom and gloom the only change I need make is to embrace my own fear of the future.
Print out Tess’ article – she has some thought provoking exercises and fill in the blanks.
Instead of trying to rule the world of your husband’s ex-wife (and ex-wives, if you are reading this, the same goes for you, too) why don’t you “put on your crown and decide as King or Queen how you will rule your world.”
I struggle with control! It is so hard and a big part of my personality. Some days/situations are better than others. I do find when I don’t try to be in control I end up being happier!!!
Life – check out Tess’ article if you haven’t. Ditching the control factor as a stepmom will lead you to a happy, healthier place!
Hi Peggy.
I agree with you that Tess’s article is great however I could not control my comment going into her spam box, so it disappeared 4 times. Arggh.
Yes, control stops us to see what is so, stops us from allowing things to happen in their own good time.
It is hard sometimes to wait for things to turn around, for people to get over their story, it is hard to not want to force things, to demand them to get over it, to bang their heads together, and yet it is great when you can let go and wait.
It certainly has given me peace.
Hi Wilma!
I’ve learned the hard way – when I try to force something, I make an even bigger mess of things. Knowing when to step back and let go is an every day practice for me…but by practicing, I am leading a much better, stress free life!
I like the idea of giving up control. I still find myself trying to control in ways like trying to be a ’step ahead’. I always find myself more stressed & on edge when I try to control too much. I’m happy to say I am moving forward in my journey as a stepmom – hopefully to a place where I can be comfortable with giving up control over anyone but me.
Hi Jana! Welcome to The Stepmom’s Toolbox! The only person we can ever really control is ourselves. Giving up control or just letting it go is how we turn “stressed” into “desserts”