Coming Attractions ~ August Sneak Peek!
Stepcoupling: Creating and Sustaining a Strong Marriage in Today’s Blended Family
A Book Review By Guest Blogger Southern Belle
If I could mail every new stepmom a care package, I would enclose a box of Kleenex for those first few difficult days, a new tube of pretty posy pink lip gloss to give her spirits a lift, some Dove chocolates (need I say more- it’s chocolate), and a copy of Stepcoupling
I picked up Stepcoupling
Read the rest of Southern Belle’s review HERE
Is Your Home a Homework War Zone?
An excerpt from article which appears in August’s online issue of the one and only StepMom Magazine!
August means back to school and for many stepmoms, it means HOMEWORK. If you’re feeling anxious, don’t worry; I might be able to help.
I’m a recovering pushy parent. With my daughters from my first marriage, I walked that fine line between what John Rosemond calls “monitoring” and “hovering.” As a custodial stepmom helping my husband raise The Teenager, I found myself in the deep end of the pool, hovering all over the place. I was so worried about how Junior’s mom and her entire family would see me if Junior didn’t do well in school once we transferred him to the high school in my town.
At the beginning of Junior’s sophomore year, his mother signed full custody over to my husband so that we could get him in the best school in our state. It also meant that I took on all things school. Neither of my daughters prepared me for an unmotivated, underachieving teenager. And did I mention he puts the H in ADHD and he came with an IEP (individual education plan)?
During Junior’s first quarter as a sophomore, I was Rosemond’s definition of Hovering Parent. I was in Junior’s business and chasing after him to do his homework. My home became a battle zone as soon as I walked through the door. The constant fight was exhausting and a drain on me. But somehow, Junior made the honor roll. He proved to himself and his family that yes, he could get good grades…provided he had someone poking him with a red hot stick.
As Junior entered the second quarter, I backed off. Thinking that his honor roll status and achievement would be more than enough motivation to keep at it. Boy, was I wrong!
I stopped reminding Junior to do his homework. I stopped my incessant stream of nagging. And Junior started failing. When I checked his first progress report via Edline, he was failing every class. When my husband and I brought it to Junior’s attention and asked him why, Junior proclaimed, “Peggy’s not telling me to do my homework!”
Junior was blaming me for failing. The explosion inside my head rocked me to my very core. I realized that I had made a HUGE mistake that most hovering parents make: I made Junior’s school and homework business MY business. If he was blaming me for failing, then he also attributed his success to me. He did not accept responsibility nor did he own all things school.
To read the strategy Richard and I put in place and John Rosemond’s ABC’s of homework, be sure to read August’s issue of StepMom. If you’re not yet a subscriber, you may want to read my review and ten reasons why I believe every stepmom needs this magazine in their tool box!
Other News
Check out what Jennifer Newcomb Marine and Carol Marine have in the works on No One’s the Bitch – exciting stuff!
Check out Izzy Rose’s report on BlogHer 2009 (we need more blogging stepmoms there next year!)
Check out Wednesday Martin’s Blog. Wednesday is looking for stepmoms who’ve experienced physical violence from a stepchild (adult or otherwise.)
Check out Jacqueline Fletcher’s Blog and Podcasts! You’ll be glad you did!
And I recently discovered a sister stepmom in the UK – Check out La Belle Mere’s Blog – she’s very funny!
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Peggy–
As usual, I can’t wait for the next issue of StepMom mag!
I think the real actual Step Mom’s Toolbox is such an awesome idea; you already know I think it should be in an oceany blue color. Maybe have different versions for different aged skids? Whenever you are ready, let me know and I’ll give you *all* my ideas on it!
Thanks for your blogs and all you do to support the other smoms out here; even when I don’t have time to get to the smoms bulletin board, I make the time to read your blogs.
Jessica – thank you SO much! You’ve given me goose bumps! I want to hear your ideas – can you shoot me an email? I have stuff brewing in the back of my head for the Mother’s Day Dare Project 2010 and I want to put together actual tool box “care” packages – so your input will be greatly appreciated!!
xxxoo
I’ll do some research and send you an email in a day or two.
Wish I could do the Mother’s Day Dare Project.
Maybe someday.
Hi there Peggy
Thank you soooo much for your kind shout out to my blog! Looking forward to getting to know all the new step-ladies out there in the steppy-cyber-space! Am currently writing a series of posts featuring extracts from Wednesday Martin’s book Stepmonster, about depression amongst stepmothers and my experiences around this. As soon as that is done (3 days worth!) I’ll do a little shout out to you to and add you to my blogroll!!!
Have a great day!
B x
Rebecca!
Thank you so much for stopping by! I love your blog and get such a kick out of reading your perspective!
Stepmonster is a FABULOUS book – I adore Wednesday – I reviewed her book in June (actually read it while I was on the beach in the Turks & Caicos!)
xxoo
Whoops! Sorry! I just realized that that was Southern Belle writing the review, so she’s got some ideas too!
Peggy, you are on fire over here! All these articles are fantastic!! You are learning so much! I feel so fortunate to be sharing in your wisdom! You teach me something new every day I visit your site. Thank you!
Thanks Jodi! Now…If I could just quit my day job, all this writing and getting things done would be so much easier
Dear Southern Belle,
Wow, what a lovely review of my book Stepcoupling. Thank you for your support. I know from my own experience in our complicated stepfamily and from my counseling experience that it takes a loving, patient, and flexible stepcouple to make it through the hard times of raising each other’s children. It’s hard but well worth the effort…in my opinion.
Thank you. If want to quote any of my blog articles, you have my permission to check them out on my website, stepcoupling.com.
And thank you for all the stepfamilies you help with your site.
Best,
Susan Wisdom
Author of Stepcoupling
Dear Susan,
Thanks so much for writing such a profound book. My sister stepmom “Southern Belle” read your book and I asked her if she could write the review because I haven’t read it yet. I am giving away a copy of this book to one of the lucky stepmoms who left a comment on Belle’s review…any chance I can get two signed copies? One for me and one for the lucky winner?
Peggy Nolan
http://thestepmomstoolbox.com
Hi Peggy -
Yes, of course. Just tell me who to sign them to and the snail mail addresses to mail them separately …or together.
I’m going to follow your blog. It’s great!
Let me know if there’s anything else I can do to support our cause of helping today’s stepfamilies and stepcouples.
Keep it up
Susan