Raise your hand if you make the time to practice this step thing. How many of you are actively participating in creating your own family rather than operating under the influence of automatic pilot, assumptions, and expectations? Here’s an excerpt from my most recent article in the spring issue of Applaud Women.
Stepfamilies are hard. There is no magic pixie dust, there is no magic fairy wand, and there is no silver bullet that makes it easy. It’s constant practice, day in and day out and it takes an average of seven years for a stepfamily to blend. Some stepfamilies integrate faster than that, some take longer, but most never integrate. In his book Outliers, author Malcolm Gladwell asserts that 10,000 hours is the magic number for anyone to become an expert at anything. Whether it’s a concert pianist, a master criminal, or (oh my!) a stepfamily. Do the math. If you practiced four hours a day, every day for the next seven years at being a stepfamily, you will accumulate 10,200 hours. Voila! But how many stepfamilies are practicing at communication, united parenting, shared responsibilities, financial matters, emotional vulnerability, spiritual togetherness, and a myriad of everyday little things 4 hours every day?
Read the full article HERE and then come back and share your thoughts in the comments. I’d love to hear from you!
I really enjoyed this article.
I don’t know if it’s the sort of thing that i could have read in advance, but it sure makes sense now!
It also empowers me to keep doing “whatever works for our family” which is the mantra I’ve developed over the last couple of years while un-working and reworking family traditions and trying to keep the kids on a forward path and trying to have an adult relationship.
It also gives me hope that this is harder than i ever imagined, and that I’m not alone.
Hi Lisa!
One thing I know for sure is that step families take time and many relational deposits. The other thing I know for sure: you are most definitely not alone!
Xo
Peggy