What happens when you throw on your Super Stepmom cape and try to fix broken relationships that you don’t “own?” In my experience by the time a stepmom comes to me for help, she’s burned her cape and her heart is filled with anger and resentment. Why? Because all she was doing was trying to help. In the end, she got tossed under the bus by the very people she thought she was helping.
Not Everything Can Be Fixed
As a woman in the stepmom role, it’s not your responsibility to fix a broken relationship that you don’t own. If your partner has a less than ideal relationship with his children or his ex-wife, those are his relationships to mend.
Your husband has a broken relationship with his ex-wife and that’s why they are no longer married. You don’t need to become the peacemaker here. They don’t like each other and that’s OK. They, in their fractured-ness, are responsible for working out how they will communicate with each other about the children they share. You do not need to be the middleman, the peace broker, or the fixer. Every time you put yourself in the middle thinking your can help them resolve whatever, you are simply putting yourself in their line of fire. When you put yourself in the line of fire, what happens?
Same goes with your husband’s relationship with his children. You do not own his relationship with them. No matter how much it makes you mad or sad that kids don’t call dad – there’s nothing you can do to fix it. It makes me sad that my husband has a less then stellar relationship with his oldest son. It bothers me more than it bothers him. If my husband isn’t too concerned, why should I be wrapped around the axle? It’s his relationship, not mine.
I hereby give you permission to hang up your Super Stepmom cape. By all means, give your husband wise counsel, but don’t try to “fix” his relationships for him. Focus on the relationships you are responsible for – your relationship with your (step) kids, your relationship with your spouse, your relationships with your friends, and especially the relationship you have with yourself.
Make today your best day ever!