Are You An Angry Stepmom?

Nov 11, 2010 by Peggy Nolan

How to Reframe and Refocus so You can Reclaim Your Life

Written by Teresa Thompson of Infinite Yoga & Reiki

When you think of your role as a stepmom, how often do you feel the following emotions?

• Frustration
• Anger
• Resentment
• Annoyance
• Bitterness
• Infuriation

I’ve felt them all and I’ve felt them often. It has been a constant struggle for me to find joy while trying to blend my family. I’ve been at it for almost seven years, and until recently, my experiences have left me feeling completely exhausted and discouraged.

Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg provides a structure for dealing with anger fully and wholeheartedly. It allows us to use our anger constructively in order to find peace and harmony within ourselves.  Instead of pushing the blame on to someone else, allowing the anger to be displaced and the resentment to build, we take responsibility for our frustrated emotions and actually heal them.

How is this done? For the first exercise, make a list of all the things you feel you “have to” do in your role as a stepmom. For example, the top three things on my list are:

• I have to be SD’s custodial stepmom.
• I have to constantly tell SD to clean up her mess.
• I have to deal with SD’s attitude.

Next, change all the “I have to” statements into “I choose to” statements.

• I choose to be SD’s custodial stepmom
• I choose to constantly tell SD to clean up her mess.
• I choose to deal with SD’s attitude.

After you’ve done this with everything on your list, add the phrase “because I want _____.” Fill in the blank with all of the reasons for each statement you listed.

• I choose to be SD’s custodial stepmom because I want her to have a stable, loving home where she feels safe and comfortable.  I want a family that includes myself and my daughter, my husband and his daughter.
• I choose to constantly tell SD to clean up her mess because I want a clean house.
• I choose to deal with SD’s attitude because I want to prove to her that she’s being a brat.

At this point, go back over your statements and decide what you want to continue choosing to do and what you want to eliminate. Right off the bat I’m eliminating number three!  There is no good reason whatsoever for me to hang on to this choice.

Homework Assignment:

Make a list of your “have to’s,” change them to “I choose to because” and review your statements. What choices are you making that work for you? Which ones do you need to eliminate?

Next week Teresa will share the second exercise in dealing with your inner angry stepmom!

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Do you feel buried underneath all your “have to’s?” Do you feel bogged down, overwhelmed, or chronically angry? Do you feel your life is stuck in the same monotonous groove? Do you feel as if something’s missing?

Our 90 Day Boot Camp, “Remodel Your Life From the Inside Out” starts January 10, 2011. Ninety days of intensive inner work with Peggy Nolan and Teresa Thompson. You’ll also receive three one-on-one coaching sessions, weekly private online chat discussions, recorded lessons, a workbook, and more. Early bird registration is $899 ($799 if you pay in full) but this weekend only, you can register for class for $599. Offer expires Nov 15, 2010 at 5PM EST.